Breakthrough Program — Help
Working with the Healing Sessions
Breaking Free From Your Negative Attractions
Weeks 1, 2, 3 and 6 deal with breaking free from being subconsciously attracted to people with the same negative traits as your parents. As long as you have these powerful negative attractions, there will be nothing good that you can do relationship-wise.
The general approach to doing this is to heal the pain of the negative experiences from that trait with your parent, and then give to yourself what you didn’t get from your parent at the time.
This was your unmet need. You learn to give to yourself what you needed at the time of your painful experience by giving that to your inner child. This will be explained further below.
The end result of this healing process is that you will no longer find people with the negative traits of your parents to be the sexiest people on the planet! What a relief!
You will also start being attracted to wonderful, healthy people who will adore you!
Here are the steps for doing this:
1. Select the most problematic negative trait of your parents. This should be the trait that shows up the most often in your partners.
2. Pick a memory where you painfully experienced that negative trait with your parent. If you can’t remember a specific memory because it happened so many times, then remember the basic details of the experience.
What did your parent do and say. In particular, remember your parent’s facial expression and tone of voice. These will be very evocative emotionally, which is what we want.
3. Rate the pain of this memory on a scale of 0 to 10. This should be your level of pain that you feel today when you relive the memory rather than the level of pain at the time of the memory.
4. Determine your unmet need: Think about what you would have loved for your parent to have done or said instead of the painful behavior. It is helpful to be as specific about this as possible. This was your unmet need.
5. Now you are all set to work on that memory. Replay one of the sessions from week 1, 2, 3 or 6 and tap along with that person. Through the phenomenon of Borrowing Benefits, you should experience a significant lessening of your pain as well.
6. At the end of the tapping session, take some time to get in touch with your inner child in the memory. See her/him there in the scene. Then, in your imagination, give to her/him what you wish your parent had given you instead of the painful behavior.
The Options for Giving Healing to Your Inner Child
It will help if you really let yourself feel all of this. You want to feel your heartfelt compassion for your young self and lovingly say and do what s/he needed at the time from your adult self.
You also want to let yourself as the inner child receive and feel yourself getting what you needed.
Alternatively, you can imagine an ideal parent giving to your inner child what s/he needed.
Lastly, you can imagine that your own parent got the healing that s/he needed so that s/he can now give to your inner child. This is the most challenging method and the most effective if you can do it.
It will help if you keep tapping through all of the points while you give to your inner child. You don’t need to say any phrases with the tapping. The tapping just helps the inner child process work better.
If you do this with approximately 3 to 5 memories, you should be much less attracted to people with that negative trait.
Tracking Your Progress - Negative Reference Person
You can monitor your progress by measuring your gut level of attraction to someone who has the negative trait. This can be someone from your past or someone who is currently in your life.
We call this person your "reference person," a person who represents your negative attraction pattern.
After each session, measure your degree of attraction (your gut level “pull”) to that person on a scale of 0 to 10. It should be lower than the last time your measured it.
When your gut level of attraction gets to zero, you know that you have broken free and will never be attracted to that type of person ever again!
Note: You may have to address more than one negative trait to completely get to zero if you are strongly drawn to more than one trait of your parents. You should still experience your attraction dropping as you work through each trait though.