The 3 Secrets to Attracting Amazing Love - Lesson 6
Dear Amazing Seeker of Love,
Welcome to the sixth lesson of the 3 Secrets to Attracting Amazing Love mini-course! If you missed Lesson 5, click the link to read Lesson 5 now.
Marcia and Eve...
In lesson 5 we got an intimate look at the love lives of Marcia and Eve. Eve was a confident, optimistic woman who was secure and comfortable being herself while dating.
Eve ended up getting into relationships with two great guys, John and Marc. It turned out that John was not quite right for Eve, but Marc was the perfect guy for her!
Marcia, on the other hand, had great difficulty connecting with men. She later got into a problematic relationship with Stuart, where she often wasn't able to express her true feelings, wants, or needs.
She ended up feeling dissatisfied and lonely and stayed in the relationship a year too long!
What Made Things So Hard for Marcia?
The root of Marcia's difficulties came from some painful negative beliefs and fears that she had around love and relationships.
Marcia had two key limiting beliefs:
And these two key fears:
Let's see how these limiting beliefs and fears affected Marcia's experiences:
Remember Marcia at the party? She quickly looked away when a cute guy looked at her.
She was telling herself, "He's too cute to really be interested in me."
This thought happened so quickly, she didn't even notice. This came from her belief that she wasn't worthy of love and attention.
Likewise, she got tongue-tied when David tried to have a conversation with her because she was afraid he would discover her unworthiness once he got to know her.
In general, it was hard for Marcia to believe that a man that she really liked...
would be interested in her.
This belief continued to affect her when she started getting to know Stuart.
She put so much of her attention and effort into trying to please him and "get" him to like her, that she didn't even notice how it felt to be with him and whether or not she liked him.
It also made her overlook some "red flag" questionable behaviors and proceed to get involved with him anyway.
Later, once she got involved with him, she never felt secure in his love for her.
Then, at the end when she wanted out of the relationship, this belief also made her doubt that there could be anything better for her or that she even deserved better—so she stayed in the relationship way too long.
Her second belief was that what she wanted wasn't important.
This often caused her to hold back and not say what she wanted.
When she did say what she wanted, she did it in a very hesitant way and backed down quickly when Stuart didn't immediately say yes.
Marcia also had a hard time expressing all of her thoughts and feelings due to her fear of being judged or criticized.
As a result, Stuart never had the opportunity to learn who Marcia really was.
Finally, her fear of being abandoned intensified all of her other fears and beliefs.
It made Marcia afraid that Stuart would leave her if she wasn't agreeable or if she did or said anything that displeased him.
This also made it hard for her to ever assert herself with him.
You can see how powerfully Marcia was impacted by her fears and limiting beliefs around love.
They made it very hard for Marcia to be her true self and get her needs met in the relationship.
It makes sense that Marcia would end up feeling dissatisfied and lonely and have a hard time getting out.
Can you relate to any of Marcia's feelings?
How Fears and Limiting Beliefs Might Be Holding You Back from Love
Marcia's experience is not unusual. In fact, we all tend to experience this to some degree.
The first thing to realize is that even though there is a part of you that greatly longs for finding the love of your life, there is another part of you that is scared of it as well.
In fact, you are probably not even aware of all the fears that you have around love that are getting in your way!
This is true for most people. These fears can cause you to shy away from exciting people, hold your true self back, sabotage yourself or limit how close you can get with someone.
Fears Around Love
So, what kinds of fears might you have around love that could be holding you back? Here are some of the common ones:
Do you identify with any of the fears on this list? There are many other more personal fears around love in addition to these, but this list serves as a good starting point.
Limiting (False) Beliefs Around Love
In addition to fears, limiting beliefs about what is possible can be a significant obstacle. Here are some of the more common ones:
These kinds of limiting beliefs can be very discouraging and have a big impact on your dating life. They can cause you to feel inhibited, hold yourself back, feel insecure, seek approval or even avoid dating all together. They can give you a pessimistic or fatalistic attitude, which is not very attractive when dating.
Soulmate Exercise — Your Fears & Limiting Beliefs Around Love
It's very helpful to make a list of all of the fears that you have around love. Write down in your journal or notebook all of the fears from the above list that you feel apply to you and any other fears that come up when you think about dating and love.
You will be adding to this list as you get in touch with additional fears down the road. These fears around love will need to be addressed in order to have the ultimate Love that you want.
Rate each fear on a scale from 0 to 10, and then prioritize the list with the biggest fears on top. This will tell you the best order in which to heal these fears.
Your Limiting Beliefs Around Love
Also, write down any negative beliefs that you have around dating and love. Again, these will need to be addressed in priority order to have the Love you want.
Rate each belief on a scale from 0 to 10 where 0 is totally false and 10 is totally true. Rate each belief on your "gut" feeling of truth rather than your mind's perception of truth.
Often our mind will know that a belief is not true, but our gut believes it completely! Unfortunately, it is our gut's beliefs that rule us, not our mind.
Don't Get Overwhelmed and Discouraged by Your Lists!
People's lists tend to look pretty long when they write down every single fear and limiting belief they have around love. It can end up feeling pretty overwhelming! In fact, some people feel so discouraged after this exercise that they give up right then and there...
However, in my experience, you don't need to clear the whole list. Clearing the top few biggest fears and limiting beliefs is often sufficient to be able to be with your ideal partner.
Marcia's Healing Process
So, how did Marcia transform her love life?
Marcia started by using the processes in the Single 2 Soulmate Breakthrough Program to identify her fears and limiting beliefs around love.
She also got a lot of insights and a-ha's from hearing other people in the program talk about their experiences, fears, and limiting beliefs.
Identify the Source
The next step was to determine the source of Marcia's fears and limiting beliefs. In Marcia's case, the source was her father.
Marcia had a very hard-working father who at times was critical, distant, and self-absorbed. His emotional distance and difficulty expressing his love caused Marcia to believe that she was not worthy of love and attention.
His self-absorption meant that he was not attentive or responsive to Marcia's wants and needs. And this caused Marcia to believe that what she wanted or needed was not important.
His critical, judgmental energy caused Marcia to become afraid of being judged and criticized as an adult. He was also very dismissive of her when he criticized her, which caused her fear of being abandoned.
Heal the Memories with Relational EFT™
She then followed the guidance of the program using Relational EFT™ to heal the painful memories of her father being distant, dismissive, critical, and so on in a special way that addressed the relational aspects of her experiences.
This unique relational approach helped Marcia to break free from her pattern of being attracted to men like her father and release her fears and limiting beliefs.
In this special healing process, Marcia had support and guidance every step of the way. Ultimately, this healing process transformed Marcia's self-image and love life!
A Surprise Ending...
Marcia became much less needy and much more confident in her dating life. She no longer doubted that an interesting man could be interested in her!
In Marcia's own words:
"My dating life became so much more comfortable and fun! I stopped being such a big mess when I was talking to a man.
"Before I did this healing work, I used to be so worried about what the man was thinking, whether he liked me, and feeling like I had to do whatever I could to please him.
"Afterwards, it felt so wonderful to just be able to be myself! I started paying much more attention to enjoying myself and whether or not I liked him rather than if he liked me!"
The quality of men that Marcia dated improved dramatically as well. She stopped being attracted to men who were distant and self-centered.
Instead, they were great guys who were very interested in getting to know her and being close to her. Marcia was much more comfortable sharing all of who she was.
In fact... remember the confident and optimistic Eve from lesson 4? Well, believe it or not, "Marcia" and "Eve" are the before and after pictures of the same woman!
As we know from lesson 4, Marcia (Eve) ultimately became happily involved with Marc, the perfect guy for her.
When I've shared this story before, people have been skeptical that Marcia could make such a dramatic transformation from shy and insecure to confident and comfortable in her own skin, but I see it all the time.
With the right support it really is possible to make major changes at a deep level. In Marcia's case, it took her 4 months.
Of course, not everyone achieves quite this dramatic a transformation, but everyone that I have been in contact with has experienced a major improvement in how they feel about themselves and in their love life.
Your Own Love Transformation
Imagine experiencing a similar transformation like Marcia's. Imagine yourself feeling completely comfortable and relaxed being yourself when talking with an exciting new person.
Picture yourself mingling effortlessly at a party...
Between toasts and the clinking of champagne glasses you catch the eye of an attractive stranger on the other side of the room.
You trade smiles. You are totally relaxed, intrigued and in the moment as your gaze and body language invite connection...
If you hit it off, great! It means you're one step closer to finding the love that you want.
If not, no big deal, you're confident you'll find Mr. or Ms. Right soon.
You feel no pressure or anxiety because the door to your heart is finally open. Love will step in... in its own way... in its own time. You feel an excited anticipation...
This is not a pipe dream. You really can have that kind of poise and self-assurance working for you when you clear away your unconscious fears and limiting beliefs around love.
The Power of the Law of Attraction
In tomorrow's email, I'll show you why the Law of Attraction as taught in so many self-help books doesn't work...and what to do instead to draw your perfect love to you in the shortest time possible.
Single 2 Soulmate Breakthrough Program
Extraordinary Love Really Can Be Yours...At Last!